Flowers of Doom

It was a strange day, 28th january of 2015. Everything was going just as randomly as all my days have ever been, that now there were visible patterns of randomness. Went to the internship in a far off village, drank lots of green tea because they were free (only because), ate the same shitty food and made a mental note to complain about this someday, came back to home changing three modes of transportation (to the dropping point via bus, then to my friend's house via his activa and then to my flat via mine). Everything normal, nothing that could force me to wake up from this strange fantasy that everything is good and happy and positive. but, nothing happens until something does.

on my way back home from gym, I was stopped by a girl, right at the corner of the square.

"could you help me out with something?"

"Sure" I said. I knew what she is going to ask for. What I didn't understand was why. She had a smartphone in her hand, she was dressed well and she did not look like the next door beggars I've come across on that very spot.

"Could you give me some money", She said. "Take my number, I would return your money on 1st"

I knew I had nothing with me. This was month's end and the cheque I got from the internship wasn't cashed as I was too lazy to go out to the bank. Still, i checked my pockets to be double sure and not to come across as rude and indifferent. I had to really sound true and convincing when I said,

"Sorry but I don't have anything with me right now"

She looked here and there. I could see she was hungry. I could see that the problem, whatever it was, was genuine. I knew that if I walk away right now, I would probably forget about her in an hour or two, when AIB knockout goes live. I have practised being indifferent so many times before, it would have been a piece of cake. But for change, I thought I'd not move until I see this girl walking away with some money to buy food, at least for the time being. 

I called my roommate, but I knew he is in even deeper penury than me. As expected. I looked in her eyes and I saw hope. I couldn't have let her stand there alone waiting for someone to listen to her, believe her story and lend her some money.

I called another friend of mine whom I go to gym with. I knew he was about to go to a certain place for dinner and the route included where I was standing. I asked him to bring as much money he could possible do without. We agreed on a hundred. 

It was going to take some time for him to arrive. I turned to her and asked:
"what happened?"

I thought she would tear up at that. Imagining her situation and what she must be going through, I myself was tearing up a little. But nope, not a single tear. Her eyes just shined behind those thick spectacles. her expression, not a bit changed. No gratitude, no remorse. Just a tingling, maybe of happiness, maybe of hunger. 

"My money got spent. All of it. And my father is in very much trouble (she described the trouble a little bit, but I didn't catch it at the first time and never bothered to ask twice). I will get some by 1st feb. I will pay you back as soon as I get some." 

"Don't worry about that. How did it get spent? Is there any problem?"

It was something that doesn't fit well into my schedule. She was fluent in english all this time, which cleared any doubt left in my mind about her genuinity. I was being pushy, because I was intruiged by how life could turn things upside down to this level.

She was from Ranchi. She mentioned her father a couple of times. She was doing MBA finance from some college in the outskirts of the city. She was in the last semester, unplaced, so she had to move here in the city to look for a job. She was sharing a room with her friend, but it was really congested so she was thinking about moving to a cheap PG. 

"nobody is paying more than 10k around here. And you know how expensive it is to live in this city. Previously I had to go back and forth from my college to here for interviews and all that so I thought about shifting here only."

And here I was, not even sitting for Jobs that payed 20k.

My friend rode in with another friend sitting behind him and asked about this urgent need that I did not give him ample time to shit. I unconsiously pointed at her and described the problem in least possible words. 
The friend sitting behind him asked if she was my sister or something. Maybe, I replied in my mind while I gave a twitch an let them go. 

I came to her, gave her that single note of hundred that must have meant a lot to her. I asked her to give me a call anytime, at any hour of the day, and I promised her I would help her as much as I can. I took her number, just in case I need to check on her (I also made a mental note to check this number on truecaller for one last assurance. I never did.) 

I warned her not to stand and ask for money around this area. If it has to come down to this, I could make do with a little less money in my pocket. As she was about to cross the road, I shouted to her to eat something. Foolish on my case, as she was already running towards a bakery on the other side. I remember her telling that she hasn't eaten anything since morning. 

It might have happened that she got more money from somebody else, If I had gone my way. The reason for me to stay was more selfish than humanitarian. But in the end, I helped the universe feed a hungry body, hers. And I helped the universe feed a hungry soul, mine.

Today I understood clearly what this quote by Morticia Addams actually means:
"What is normal for spider is chaos for butterfly"
If I lose a hundred bucks somewhere, It'd be normal for me. yes I would feel bad, but I would promise myself to be more careful for the rest of my life and this time I might as well be for a day or two, but in the end I would forget the incident forever. 
But if while crossing that road, she loses that hundred bucks amidst the heavy traffic, You can just imagine the heart-shuddering chaos that will emerge inside her.

The point of the whole story is: We are doomed. YES WE ARE. of one thing or the other, of love or of money, of health or of something else. we do not know where our life is going, we are not sure. And we are afraid. Of if we are going to get a job, of getting a good spouse, of making a big house. but in the process we forget that somewhere there is a laughing child who hasn't eaten since two days and his dad has just brought half a pack of bread. 

TRUST ME PEOPLE.
If you are reading this, you have come a long way. you might still have a long way to go, but sit on the next bench and watch children play. go to a zoo. stop worrying about life so much, its anyways going to bring a lot of blows until it brings doom. There is no reason not to bloom like a flower, except that the doom is anyways going to destroy the flower and the thorn alike.

Howdy Wind

On the motel gates
I am not the one to sit back
Stare the stars pop 
Howdy wind
This is your rolling rock      
                                                         
Is it a lone hill?
Or just a low cloud?
Big truck lights scared ya, little boy?
Hah! Another felony with gears

Better than city lights, i guess
Threw away the job, the girl,
 the city full of vultures
Never getting off the highway  
Howdy wind
This is the son of counterculture

Sore eyes, bugs on the face
Engine all smoked up
Burnt tires, can't feel my chin
Man what did you get?
Some kickass miles on my bitch.

Done with paying bills
Shitting in sackbags, arthiritis pills
You wish i cared, moaners
But i've got better friends on road 
Better tales
Howdy wind
This is your new god!

go out. get on the road. find yourself.

When you wash that specific part of your jeans where your ass-cheeks fit, you need to pay extra attention. Clear calculation. You should know how much soap would remove how much dirt. And how much fuck you give to the world. See, the last part is very important. Because the more fuck you give, the cleaner you would want the cover of your ass-cheeks to be, so the more soap you would have to use. It’s not that tricky, when you come to think of it.
         I don’t know man. I don’t know what to tell you. A bus driver just tried to kill me. He swooshed past me so close and so fast, an inch more there and I would have been dead meat. Yet, the first thing I do when I come back to my place. I do not call my mother. I don’t thank god. I find the dirty jeans and start rubbing it. The city messes with you man. It does all kinds of mojo. You don’t know whats real and whats not man. You yourself are not you. you become a byproduct of the brands. You are not Shubham sharma. you won’t be introduced like this, no. your shirt, peter England, your jeans, lee, your belt, croc, you phone, apple. Then people will look at your face. Forget the heart, what, are you in biblical times or something?
the city sells you a brand, you sell them a part of yourself. Its an evil barter, is what it is. In this distortion how would you find music? That’s why I say, get on the road. It changes people. Because they are no longer in the city anymore, so the mojo wears out after a distance. You can see the real juice that every human is born with. Real people. No brand. You can talk to them, rely on them. No one cheats you on the highway. Until he lives in a nearby village. You find the real you. you no longer cheat yourself.
the constant globalization scares me, a lot. Deforestation.A city within a city near a city around a city.that’s pretty scary man, what if there is no road left at all? Where will I find myself?
on a different note, get really kickass man. Like, the real deal, you understand. like, touch a running truck. Park your bike amidst the roadand look at the sky. Talk loud. Sing louder. Scream loudest. Get some juicesflowing. There are some moments when you just know that you are feeding your soul. You may not remember it the next day. but your soul was fed. It will never forget. Your soul just got a little wise. Your life got a little bigger, if not longer. Have some more of this, hell, have a lot of this. make this your kick. ‘cause when its time and your show is over, your soul goes a fat ass bully to heaven. You don’t get to play it back, son.
okay so I am signing out. no more gyaan. Take care fuckers.

if Beauty could kill!

Once upon a time in the farms of northern India, there was a girl born. she was just as beautiful as the heavens and just as charming as the sculptures of angels. Her blue eyes swept anyone who laid eyes on her, off their feet instantaneously. Her one laugh, or a little smile, or even a twitch of the lips could make anyone forget what pain is.
          Growing up, she was the most favored child of the town. She was invited in all the social gatherings and was chosen first in all the plays. In a town with not many things to look forward to, she soon became what one could call the 'unique selling point'. Seldom there were any moments when the name of the girl and the name of the town were not in the same sentence. There was her monument made, right beside a beautiful lake in one corner on the town. One fine evening, when everyone was preparing for the girls' eighteenth birthday, her body was found in that same lake.
        It was as if the whole town died in one instance. the town had seen famines and the town had seen floods, but never the town was saddened in such a drastic manner. Because if the rivers dry out and water becomes the new priced possession, there was always a good chance of rains the next season. but once she, the most priced and envied possession of the whole town, is dead, she is dead for good. She was not coming back.
        the town weltered in the cries of agony and separation. Everyone was questioning the death, but no one could answer with accountable proofs the right reason behind the catastrophe. The old, witty judges came on a conclusion that it was the deed of the envious neighbor town. Everyone set out to destroy the town with no survivors, to avenge the loss that they put them through. the whole army of the avengers went to the monument of the girl to ask for blessings. now, she was the new god.
        On the feet of the sculpture of the girl, there was a note written. "I chose to die, to be born as a human and not as the crest of the town. to ask and savor love, as a normal girl and not as a priced possession. I chose to die, to be born less beautiful"

what happen when you have a night-in, studying!

it took one moment,
to look myself through the shaded glass.
after all the denials,
i embraced the sketchy past.

my demons no longer haunt me now,
actually we clink our glasses every now and then.
i forgave them to laugh at my scuffle,
and they forget they ever laughed.

The night of ignorance sees its end,
as the truth dawns upon me.
and the reflections get weaker by the second,
and my demons are no longer mine.

my fidgety does not answer to reason,
but my heart knows the cause.
could the truth teach me more than the doubts, i wonder,
as i see the other side of the glass.

commiting suicide!

 have you ever thought about ending your life?
have you ever given up, lost hope and spiraled down into darkness?
have you ever said to yourself, 'I QUIT'?
if you have, then you are one of those 99% of humans who walk this planet. you are no different.
now, let me ask you one more question?
what was it that made you quit, or motivated you to end your life for good?
was it a job that you never got, a house you never bought or a girl you never banged?
why am i asking this?
Because let me tell you, these are all perfectly common conditions. people give up all the time, there is no shame in that. Life does get tough, otherwise why'd there be a suicide every 40 seconds in the world.
i myself give up all the time!
But, what counts is, what sets you apart is, the second thought that follows in your mind after the thought of giving up or committing suicide. that thought, that feeling is why you are alive and are reading this post. thats faith. thats hope.
let me give you an example:
                               

look at this guy. He has a good job, beautiful wife, huge house, kids, money, just everything. he spends his weekends on the fine sands of Australia, flies all around the world mostly on paid vacations and is happy as fuck. Do you not want to be like this guy? (you might want to reconsider your answer.)
         this guy's name is Nick Vujicic and he has got a condition!
                         

this guy was born with a very rare disorder, and tried to commit suicide thrice at a very young age. he was picked at in the school and he was pitied all around. he gave up. anyone would right? tried to drown himself to death but failed for he couldn't move himself in the bathtub. but then he touched a streak of hope, started living with it and today he has 30,000 requests for speaking at certain events.
             so the next time you feel down, demotivated or on your way to suicide, just think about one thing. "if this guy can make it in life, i will too"

live and breath your dream. #social network

a post fairly out of the blue and not fitting into my usual context of writing, but this, this precise moment, is one of those when you watch a movie so intriguing and motivational that it sweeps you out of your chair, your room, or the movie theatre and makes you go wandering to the place where everything is possible. the epiphany of the dream reverbates in every morsel of your entire being. where you think every freaking thing in this world, is possible. it might just be tricky, but you can figure it out. and that is true. no fiction. you can do anything and i can vouch for that any day.
                       the limits that are set, are set by your inertia. change is a primary rule and just so is inertia. both oppose each other yet are able to co-exist. lets set up an example. with not a single intention to bore you, i take up the instance of exams. everybody goes through with them, and almost everybody hates them. but see yourself preparing for a college exam. you want marks right, everybody wants, they just do not realize until its too late. weeks before the date, you're aware of its being round the corner and you know that its going to cost you to not study right now. but do you do that? no. why? inertia my friend. a body who is in rest tends to stay at rest forever. newton was quite rhetorical while putting up that equation. untill something pushes it, right? what is it? either of the two things. fear or motivation.
                     as the days pass by and nights slip off your hand, until its the last day and you have no option but to study. you get the much required force right up your ass. it ain't no motivation. its fear. but anyways, if you got afraid at the right time, you pass it right? see, everything is possible. you might just have some equations to solve, but everything is possible.
                    self-belief is the much required key for that, and sadly enough most of the people lack that substantially. but from today, if you start thinking of creating something, with the mixture of both fear and motivation, there is nothing in the world that could stop you from creating that thing. there is just one simple rule. live and breath your dream.